Digression 13: Valentine’s Day Karaoke 2016
Performed by Nathan Marchand
I had to pick between two songs for this year’s Valentine’s Day karaoke. After much back-and-forth, I chose “Gotta Be Somebody,” one of the few Nickleback songs I like. Since I remain single on this narrowly romantic holiday, I continue to choose songs that hope for a love yet to be found. Be encouraged, fellow singles!
This is also video evidence that I might be tone deaf. Or a bad singer. Both? (Maybe I should stop recording these while wearing headphones).
Despite my disdain for Valentine’s Day, I’ve decided to post something today. No, it’s not a bitter rant.
I’ve attended many Christian weddings (I’m a Christ-follower, after all), and a common thread throughout them is the couple selecting a Bible passage for the occasion and having the presiding pastor give a short sermon on it. These are usually 1 Corinthians 13, Genesis 2, Ephesians 5:22-33, or a portion of Song of Solomon/Songs. These are great choices, but when I get married, I don’t plan to use any of them.
You’re probably thinking, “That passage has nothing to do with marriage or romance!”
No, but it has everything to do with love.
Ever notice how most romance stories are about big and grand acts of love? Knights rescuing maidens from dragons. Heroes saving heroines from villains. An elaborate profession of love (like drawing a heart on the side of a building). We all love dragon slayers and want to be like them, and with good reason, but in real life, love usually finds expression in the small things. Sometimes that “dragon” is the dishes that need washed, the diapers that need changed, or the special date that is remembered.
Jesus Christ, God Incarnate, the Creator of the Universe, humbled Himself to perform the most menial of tasks. Washing feet was work relegated to slaves. It was undignified for a rabbi like Jesus to perform such a task. But He did it despite Peter’s objections. It was an example of servant leadership. It’s easy to be served, but love’s nature is to serve others. It may mean doing thankless, disgusting, and/or embarrassing things. It is agape (unconditional) love. It isn’t a feeling; it’s an act of the will. Any lover can die for his beloved. But to live an unglamorous life in service to his beloved? That requires true love. Keep in mind that Jesus washed the disciples’ feet hours before he was nailed to a cross to die for mankind’s sins. That was His greatest act of love. But this humble act anticipated it. In other words, the little things husbands and wives do for each other adds significance to the big things.
Jesus went on to say, “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another” (John 13:34-35). One of God’s purposes for marriage is echoing His love for the church. So, by loving each other even in these small, seemingly insignificant ways, a husband and wife broadcast God’s love in Technicolor, especially in this age of rampant divorce.
I want a marriage like this. I want to be the kind of man and husband who will “wash feet” for his wife.
I pray you want the same for yourself, True Believers.
I’ve made it no secret that Valentine’s Day is my least favorite holiday. In fact, I, like many people, euphemistically call it Singleness Awareness Day. This will be my 30th V-Day in a row without someone special. I’ve had a few girlfriends, but never on this holiday.
What annoys me is whenever singles—especially in Christian circles—lament their singleness in any way, they get tired platitudes (“It’ll happen when you’re not looking,” “Jesus is your boyfriend/girlfriend,” etc.) instead of sympathy. Or, worse yet, heartless lectures. These Christians, despite their good intentions, succeed in only denigrating marriage and singles’ desire for it. They cite Bible passages like 1 Corinthians 7 and make it sound like singleness is the godlier lifestyle. They even accuse singles of either desiring marriage so much they blind themselves to it not being God’s will for them or idolizing it to the point of defying God in seeking it. The worst part is these come from married Christians 99% of the time.
I believe these people have been married for so long, they have forgotten what it was like to be single. Or their time as a single was comparatively short and/or easy. In other words, they’ve lost their frame of reference, if they even had one. They are unable to sympathize. How can a person understand someone who is 30 years old, single, and desiring marriage if he married in his early twenties? Any struggles he had as a single are distant memories. Marital bliss has made him callous. He runs off with his sweetheart on V-Day, forgetting his single friends—if he has any—are alone at home.
I, however, won’t forget my singleness when I get married. I’ve spent too much time struggling with singleness to do so. I’ve watched friends hook up and get married while I was passed over, wondering if something was wrong with me or if I was unworthy of love. I’ve battled lust and a bottled-up sex drive. My hopes have been shattered and deferred. It gets harder to say, “It is not good for man to be alone,” with each passing year. I’m constantly told I’m a great guy, yet no woman seems to like me for long, if at all (unless they’re desperate).
I say all of that to say that I will be a countercultural married. I won’t forget singles or their plight. I’ll seek them out, talk to them, pray with them. I’ll validate their desires and advise them on how to fulfill them. Valentine’s Day won’t be a day where my wife and I go on an overly elaborate date. It will be a day where I invite all the singles I know to my house for a party, and we will serve them. We’ll prepare food, play games, and talk about the struggles of single life. Why? Because I want them to know there’s at least one couple out there who wants to redeem this so-called “romantic” holiday and include singles in it. They won’t be forgotten because I was once one of them, and I wished the couples I knew wouldn’t leave me by the wayside.
Couples, will you do this for the singles you know, especially if they’re your friends, this Valentine’s Day?
A Man from Another Time Exploring Another Universe
