Tag Archives: nathan marchand

FOMO: The Fear of Missing Out

An illustration of FOMO. (Image taken from here). .

I’m a self-admitted “story junkie” who has a lot of hobbies. Those include reading books, playing video games, and watching TV and movies, among others. Do you notice what all of these have in common? Yep, stories. (I gotta get my fix, man!)

Unfortunately, because of this and the other things that keep me busy (job, school, writing, etc.), it’s difficult to keep up with these “story hobbies.” I tend to go through phases where I do one hobby more than the others. Lately, I’ve been reading a lot of books and not playing many video games. The thing is, I can’t keep up with everything. While many of my fellow gamers are playing all the latest titles, I’m playing games that are at least two or three years old. Meanwhile, I’ve fallen behind by at least a month on the current TV shows I’m watching. While I often go to the cinema once a week (especially during the summer and holiday seasons), I don’t always see a movie its opening weekend. Then I feel like I’m falling behind and won’t get all the in-jokes people make or be able to talk with them. But like I said, this is a lot of things all competing for my time and attention. I don’t have enough years left in my life to read every book or watch every movie that everyone is supposed to consume.

The anxiety I’m speaking of—which can also apply to attending events and social activities—is called the “fear of missing out” (or FOMO). In large part it involves knowing and having all the latest things. People start worrying about being left out or left behind. Why do you think film studios push as hard as they do for people to go see a movie opening weekend? They play on this idea, which in turn makes them the biggest chunk of their money. Gone are the days when a film would make consistent money for weeks at a time (remember Titanic’s months of dominance?). Now everyone is all but required to see a film as soon as possible to avoid spoilers, but more importantly, to feel included.

The truth is, one can’t keep up with everything. Choices must be made and priorities kept. This means one might have to wait until a movie hits home media before seeing it. It might mean watching a (rare) rerun of a TV show seeing it online later (even if it means waiting months for an entire season to drop on Netflix). And that’s assuming that what one is afraid of missing is some form of media. It might also mean missing a social gathering when he has to focus on something else, like writing a book. In other words, it’s okay to be a little behind, to a miss a few things so one can prioritize what’s important to him. It’s a lesson I’ve had to learn the hard way, and honestly, I’m okay with it. I don’t have to be on the forefront of everything I’m interested in. I can go through phases where I’m more up on some things than others. I’d rather have the joy of going at my own pace with everything than the stress of trying to keep up with everything and everyone, even if I’m mocked for it (people who do that are jerks, anyway). Buck the trends, I say!

What about you? Do you struggle with FOMO? How do you deal with it? Discuss it in the comments!

Godzilla vs. Rotten Tomatoes: A Balanced Response

After nearly a year of escalating hype, Godzilla: King of the Monsters dropped in theatres this weekend. It was one of my most anticipated films of 2019. As a fan of nearly two decades, the co-creator of Kaijuvision Radio, and a raging nerd, I went into it excited but cautious. I remembered another American-made Godzilla movie from 20 years ago or so that had just as much, if not more, hype, and it failed to deliver.

I walked out of my local IMAX theatre with a huge smile on my face. Most fans did.

Critics didn’t.

All this week the Godzilla fan community (in America, anyway) has been in a tizzy. As the critics score on Rotten Tomatoes dropped (it sits at 40% currently) and the audience score remained high (it hovers around 90%), the fans got defensive. They became the latest fandom to declare critics “hacks” who didn’t know what they were talking about, who just didn’t understand the genre or Godzilla. While many fans—including myself—said King of the Monsters wasn’t what critics claimed it was, others stamped their feet, crossed their arms, and said, “I like because it’s bad like all the other Godzilla films!”

Even Godzilla is shocked by his some of his fans’ behavior.

To be honest, I’m not all that surprised. These fans have spent years defending their enjoyment of giant monsters—or perhaps even hid it—when many people relegated such fare to schlock. That’d put a huge chip on anybody’s shoulders. While other “nerdy” genres like superheroes have gone mainstream, the kaiju genre is still trying to gain wide acceptance. I don’t know if it ever will. Regardless, I think much of this pushback from Godzilla fans stems from their defensiveness. Like many nerds, they’ve made their fandom a huge part of their lives, and when they think it’s being attacked, they see it as an attack upon themselves.

This isn’t to say that the fans don’t have valid points. Rotten Tomatoes has grown from a website that helped moviegoers make an informed decision about what films to see to a cultural force that studios think they must placate. “Tomatometer” scores can make or break a film now. At least, that’s what many movie executives fear. An aggregate of bad reviews could destroy the millions of dollars they invested in a film. That’s why they brag whenever one of their movies has a high RT rating. The problem is people aren’t engaging with the reviews; they’re just looking at the score and not reading what was said. They don’t realize that RT’s system a critic only has to answer a yes or no question—“Is it ‘fresh’?”—before posting a review on the site. A rating of three out of five will count as “fresh,” so even a “B-” or “C+” review will count. In other words, the 90% fresh rating could all be average reviews. As one fan pointed out, it has ruined film criticism by reducing it to mere numbers. But these are numbers given tremendous weight and power by lazy often readers who succumb to some form of groupthink, either in agreement or disagreement. This, in turn, has led to some borderline conspiracy theories about studios bribing critics for good or bad reviews as well as theories that studios are censoring bad reviews from users. I’m not saying any of this is true, but it is certainly possible.

The “fresh” and “rotten” logos for both critics (top) and audience (bottom) scores on Rotten Tomatoes.

Fans say critics are prejudiced against the kaiju genre and don’t appreciate it. There’s some truth to that as I’ve pointed out. Their scores and criticisms often seem inconsistent, to say the least. Godzilla (2014) was criticized for allegedly not having enough screen time for Godzilla or the monster fights while focusing on human characters. Now the common complaint from critics is there’s too much time given to the monsters (I disagree, but I digress). Who wouldn’t pull their hair out? It doesn’t seem possible to please them.

But do fans know what makes a great kaiju film? I’ve often heard fans say that they want a film that’s nothing but kaiju fights. This has led to an image of the fandom that is, well, less than flattering (one Twitter user said it made the fandom look like “knuckle draggers”). In some ways it seems hypocritical. They fight against non-fans labeling the films “trash” while advocating for movies that are empty spectacle. As one YouTuber put it, fans like the “social commentaries of the Japanese films, but when it comes to American films, they just want Godzilla to eat buildings and punch monsters.” I’ll be the first person to argue that there is substance—often profound substance—in these films. Even the so-called “silly ones.” That’s why it vexes me to hear such talk from fans. It’s especially annoying because they’re basically saying, “This movie is nonstop action with human characters I don’t care about, so I love it for the reasons critics hate it! Boo-yah!” It’s kinda childish, honestly.

Ultimately, whether the reviews come from critics or fans, they are simply opinions, and as a crude old saying reminds us, everyone has opinions. It’s just that, for whatever reason—be it experience, education, position, or whatnot—we have elevated the opinions of critics. They are the dwellers in the ivory towers who know what true art is while fans are the unwashed, ignorant masses. (Insert “sarcasm sign” here). While fans have wanted to drop Oxygen Destroyers in critics’ laps this week, if their reviews had been positive, I have no doubt they would’ve celebrated and shared them as validation of themselves and their fandom. But do these critics invalidate the opinions of fans? No. They are allowed to like things other people don’t. They enjoyed it based on their own criteria. One man’s trash is another man’s masterpiece. Many people watch Godzilla vs. Gigan and see a silly low-budget kaiju film. I watch it and see a meta-commentary on pop culture and globalism. Opinions often change with time. When Citizen Kane was first released, it has rejected by critics as too unusual. Now it’s regaled as the greatest film ever made. The Empire Strikes Back, which is commonly considered the greatest Star Wars film, was dismissed by critics upon release. I say all of this to remind people that while there are objective criteria for what makes a good story, the evaluation of art is still largely subjective.

I’m gonna have a lot more to talk about on the King of the Monsters G-Fest panel than I thought.

What do you think? Is Rotten Tomatoes helping or hindering films, filmgoers, and/or film criticism? How so?

Cover Art Reveal – THE NEW 42: GOD TERRAFORMS ALL THINGS

The cover for the “sequel” (reboot?) to your favorite nerd/geek devotional! (Artwork by Ruth Pike-Miller).

Reboots. Reboots everywhere.

You spent 42 days finding the Answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything, and now Nerd Chapel founderEric Anderson and I are proud to unveil the amazing cover art by Ruth Pike-Miller for the next step in your journey: The New 42: God Terraforms All Things.

The one constant in the universe (besides the fact that everything freezes) is change. Good change, bad change, and everything in between. Even in our favorite nerd/geek franchises. DC Comics is (in)famous for hitting the cosmic reset button every few decades. The movie theatre is full of re-imaginings of nostalgic entertainment. Even video games aren’t immune to this. But now you may feel like God Himself hit that reset button on your life. Has it left you lost and confused? Take heart! God wants to give you a new direction. In these pages you will learn how to navigate change with the help of a scarred samurai, some heroic robots, and the world’s most famous kaiju, among many others.

Your next 42-day quest awaits!

The grand book release will be at Muskecon in Muskegon, Michigan, on March 23, 2019. Eric and I will be selling and signing copies. The book will then be available as a paperback and e-book on Amazon.

Be there or be square!

All the Podcasts I’ve Appeared On (UPDATED Feb. 2019)

It dawned on me that I’ve been on a lot more podcasts since the last time I indexed them, so I figured I’d update that list for all of you. For most of these, I appeared as a guest or guest host, discussing everything from storytelling to video games to Godzilla (no surprise, right? Heck, I’ve kinda become the “kaiju guy” in most of my circles, and with good reason).

Admittedly, there are few not listed here. I recorded a podcast with Zachery Oliver for “Theology Gaming” that was lost when he had computer problems. The same thing happened with “The Bestselling Fiction Podcast” hosted by Dan Dynneson.

Titles with an asterisk (*) were on the original list.

Happy listening!

Kaijuvision Radio

This is a podcast I co-created with Brian Scherschell on “the appreciation of giant monster movies and the discovery of their historical and cultural value.” I was the co-host for season one (episodes 1-36 plus two interviews), but sadly I had to step down before season two. I’m proud of the work I did on the show, so I obviously I’d love it if all of you listened to it. Even if you’re not into kaiju but enjoy learning about Japan, it’s a great podcast to listen to. Here’s the website.

Geek Devotions

(NEW!) This is a ministry headed by Dallas and Celeste Mora—“a pair of devoted geeks devoted to letting people know they are loved”—that uses nerd culture as outreach. They have a podcast, Comm Talk, a YouTube channel, and a website. Dallas was one of KVR’s first fans and promoters, so he invited us onto the YouTube channel for an interview as part of King of the Monsters Month in October 2017.

Extra Tuesday – Interview with Kaijuvision Radio

Derailed Trains of Thought*
A show on storytelling and creativity hosted by my friends Nick Hayden and Tim Deal.
Episode 3: From Boredom to Book – They interview me when I published by first book, Pandora’s Box.
Sidetrack 2: Peeking Inside the Box – I’m not in this, but an excerpt of my novel is read by Nick’s wife, Natasha.
Episode 17: Magic, Muggles, and Morals – I read an excerpt from Destroyer.
Episode 20: Everything But the Kitchen Sink – I’m one of multiple guests who returns briefly for the show’s first anniversary. I announce I’m writing new books.
Sidetrack 6: Children of the Wells Round Table – I and my collaborators talk about working on our ongoing post-apocalyptic contemporary fantasy series Children of the Wells.
Episode 50: Guest Starring…Everybody! – In this anniversary episode, I’m one of several returning guests who “audition” in multiple segments to be a third co-host.
Episode 61: Shut Up and Buy My Book – I return to DToT to discuss how writers can promote their books. In this day and age, writers must also do their own PR.

The Weekly Hijack*
A “spin-off” podcast from “Derailed Trains of Thought” that discusses TV shows.
-Episode 27: Doctor Who – The Magician’s Apprentice – I discuss the season nine premiere of Doctor Who with Nick Hayden, Tim Deal, and several others. (Scroll through the episode listing to find it).

Strangers and Aliens 
A show about faith, fantasy, and science fiction co-hosted by my buddy Ben Avery, who’s a comic writer

Episode 127: GODZILLA (Summer Movie Series)* – I review the new Godzilla film with host Ben Avery.
-(NEW!) Episode 255: COLOSSAL Feat. Nathan Marchand – I return to review another kaiju movie with Ben: the unique indie film Colossal that stars Anne Hathaway.

Theology Gaming University*
A show about Christianity and video games.

Podcast #58 – Video Games Inspiring Other Media – Theology Gaming – My friend Eric Anderson and I discuss video game adaptations to other media with host Zachery Oliver.
Podcast #62 – I discuss why gamers replay video games they’ve already played with host Zachery Oliver and TGU regular Bryan Hall.
TG Sessions #9 – Cheapness (I.e., You’re Not Special) – Zachery Oliver and I discuss what makes certain things “cheap” in both single-player and multiplayer video games.
TG Sessions #10 – Batman’s Fifty Shades of White Privilege – Remember when this video made me a troll magnet? I also incurred the wrath of trolls about an essay I wrote for TGU. Zachery Oliver and I discuss all of this.
Podcast #72 – One in a Mijinion – I join Zachery Oliver and Roberto Iraheta 20 minutes in, and in our ramblings we set out to solve a very important mystery: What the heck is an Infinity Mijinion? (In case you don’t know, that’s a Mega Man boss).

Forever Classic Podcast
(NEW!) This is a show that “seeks enlightenment through video games” started by my former colleague Alex McCumbers (from my GigaGeek Magazine days). Here’s their main website.

Episode 11: Kaiju Games With Nathan Marchand – Remember what I said about being the kaiju guy? Anyway, Alex invited me on to talk about two of my favorite things: giant monsters and video games. We discuss existing kaiju games—past and present—and what we think would make for a great kaiju game.

Redeemed Otaku
(NEW!) A podcast created and hosted by Bex Smith that seeks to “redeem your love for anime by turning to the truth found only in God’s Word.” Follow the show on Facebook and Twitter.

42 – My co-author Eric Anderson and I are interviewed about our nerd/geek devotional, 42: Discovering Faith through Fandom.
Godzilla: Planet of the Monsters – Bex has me on to discuss/review part one of the Godzilla anime trilogy. Being that its kaiju and anime, it was the perfect crossover.
Godzilla: City on the Edge of Battle – I return to Redeemed Otaku—this time joined by my fellow Godzilla fan Eric Anderson—to discuss/review part two of the Godzilla anime trilogy (that has a title weirdly similar to a class Star Trek episode).
Godzilla: The Planet Eater – In one of the best English-language analyses of the entire Godzilla anime trilogy, Bex, Eric, and I breakdown part three and put the other films into perspective. It truly is the best episode of Redeemed Otaku yet! (Don’t take my word for it—that’s what Bex said!)

This makes me miss having my own podcast.

Do you have a podcast? What’s it about? Would you be interested in having me on?

My Upcoming Appearances for 2019 (so far)

I haven’t blogged in several months. Wow. Grad school (and other things) ate up that much of my time. This shall be remedied!

I’m keeping it simple today, but this is something I’ve been meaning to mention for a while. I have several appearances scheduled for this spring and summer that I wanted to make sure you knew about, True Believers. Keep in mind, though: This list is subject to change. I could easily add (or subtract) more as the year progresses.

Regardless…

MuskeCon 3.0

A small and relatively new comic and toy convention held in Muskegon, Michigan. I’ll be tabling there next door to my friend/co-author Eric Anderson. It’ll be a big deal because we plan to unveil our second nerd/geek devotional, The New 42: God Terraforms All Things, at the show. (More details to follow). The show will be held March 23, 2019, from 10AM-6PM at the Holiday Inn Muskegon Harbor.

You can learn more about the show on its Facebook page.

G-Fest XXVI

I plan to make my third trip to America’s premiere Godzilla and kaiju convention, which will be held July-12-14, 2019, at the Crowne Plaza Chicago O’Hare in Rosemont, Illinois. I won’t be tabling there, but I’ll be part of several panels, and I’ve applied to host my own (again, more details to follow). I’ll have books with me to sell, though, in case anyone wants to buy some.

Learn more about the show on its website. (Early bird pricing ends February 28!)

Gen-Con 52

It wouldn’t be summer without a trip to Gen-Con! I make my eighth straight appearance to “the Four Best Days in Gaming” Aug. 1-4, 2019, at the Indiana Convention Center in downtown Indianapolis. I’ll be tabling in their Authors Avenue, selling and signing books, as usual, but I’ll be making the rounds to some events throughout the weekend, too. Hopefully, Eric Anderson and many of my other friends/writers will be joining me.

For more info, check out the show’s website.

Will you be at any of these shows? Which one(s)? Are you interested in hosting a book signing for me? Where?

2018: Looking Back and Looking Forward

It’s been a wild year.

Happy New Year 2019 with colorful fireworks

2018 wasn’t always a good year, but it was an eventful one. One filled with changes and new ventures and adventures. Here are a few highlights:

-Bought a new car after being in an accidents

-Started a new job.

-Finished the first season of my podcast, Kaijuvision Radio.

-Attended several conventions, where I met some great people and made some excellent connections.

-Started grad school.

-Moved to Fort Wayne, Indiana, like I’ve wanted to for a long time.

-Competed in The Winter Solstice, my first real ballroom dancing competition.

-Was interviewed for the first time on the radio.

So, on the last day of 2018, I’ve decided to look ahead to 2019 with a few important goals. I took some much-needed big steps forward in 2018, and I want to keep that momentum going. My creative goals include:

-Getting one or two new books in print (the publishing industry could only be slower if it was run by sloths).

-Write a stand-alone novel…

-,,,to get a literary agent (apologies to my readers who want those promised sequels soon).

-Finish my second and third semesters of grad school.

-Host a panel at G-Fest XXVI.

-Hold 3-5 book signings (including at least one at a convention).

-Get published in 2-3 anthologies.

-Compete again at The Winter Solstice.

-A SECRET GOAL I’LL REVEAL LATER THIS YEAR IF IT COMES TO PASS!

Bring it on, 2019! Let’s do this!

What are your goals for the New Year?

Listen to Me on the Radio December 21!

If you’ve been following me on social media (and why not?), you heard that I’ve been invited to appear on a local radio show. In this case, it’s “SPEAK NOW with GENA” on WELT 95.7 RadioActive. I’ll be one of several local authors being interviewed on the segment “Jamming with Jazz” December 21, 2018. The show airs 4pm-6pm EST, but the interview will be around 5pm.

According to the show’s Facebook page,

My passion is embracing the narrative of VISION through fireside chats and sharing the narratives of LIVING WELLNESS.

And…

Providing a culture of globally sharing, connecting community globally.

While the details are being worked out, my understanding is we’ll be discussing things like the creative process and advice for other writers. It could go anywhere, though—it’s live!

As said on the station’s website,

WELT-LP is a non-commercial, listener-sponsored, member-controlled community radio station licensed by the FCC to broadcast within Allen County. From the studios at the downtown branch of the Allen County Public Library, WELT-LP’s volunteers and staff promote communication, education, entertainment, and understanding by providing quality programming and services to the Fort Wayne community. By providing a forum for both the discussion of public issues and the expansion of musical and cultural experiences, WELT-LP facilitates community expression by giving Allen County access to the airwaves for the purpose of sharing music, culture, news, and information.

Be sure to check out Gena’s YouTube channel and give the show a listen. She’ll be interviewing local authors the next three Fridays (December 7, 14, and 21).

 

My Next Book Signing: The ACPL Local Author Book Sale

(Yeah, an announcement blog hardly seems substantial, but I do need to start promoting this).

I’m happy to announce that for my next book signing, I’ll be returning to the Allen County Public Library for their Local Author Book Sale. This event is replacing the annual author fair they’ve been holding for the past several years. I’ll be joined by my friend/collaborator Nick Hayden, although I expect I’ll know a lot of the authors who will be present.

According to the ACPL’s event page,

Previously called the ACPL Author Fair, the Local Author Book Sale will take place on Saturday, December 15 from 12:00 to 4:00 pm in the Great Hall of the Main Library during ACPL’s Winter Book Sale.  Local authors will be selling their work and signing copies of their books.  Come and browse unique books by local authors!

This will be part of the library’s Winter Book Sale, which takes place December 13-15. You can buy thousands of books for no more than $1 each! All the proceeds from the Winter Book Sale “will be donated to the Friends of the Allen County Public Library to support programs and outreach in our communities,” says the website.

If you’re looking to buy books as Christmas gifts for the readers in your life, stop by! You can get signed copies from me!

So, once again, that’s December 15, 2018, from 12pm-4pm at the Allen County Public Library in downtown Fort Wayne, Indiana.

Be there or be square!

 

 

‘Bards Against Hunger’ Indiana Book Launch

(Yeah, an announcement blog hardly seems substantial, but I do need to start promoting this).

The cover of the anthology. (Great job making it my favorite color). 🙂

I’m excited to remind everyone that Bards Against Hunger: Indiana Edition will have a book launch party from 1pm-3pm November 17, 2018, at the Elwood Public Library. It features over 100 poems from over 40 authors—including yours truly—from across the state. The book will be available on Amazon for $15.

The contributing authors have all been invited to attend the party and read their work. I haven’t decided if I’ll be able to attend yet. Stay tuned for more updates. I admit I’m tempted because these are the first poems I’ve had published (aside from one that was in Pandora’s Box).

The proceeds from the book will be donated to the Homeless Advocacy Center of Anderson and Madison County, which is set to open soon. So, I highly recommend buying a copy to support this charity!

According to their official website,

Bards Against Hunger was founded in 2013 by the Bards Initiative, a poetry group on Long Island, NY that hosts many readings and publishes local anthologies. The leaders of this group came up with the idea to host a poetry reading that would gather food for the hungry around Thanksgiving time as a way for poets to give back to their local community. The poets of Long Island loved the idea and flocked to help organize, read at the event, and gather food.

The event was such a success that the group decided to make it an annual event–and keep the tradition strong and growing each year.

This should make one of my professors at university happy since he’s a poet himself.  🙂

If you’d like to have a copy, let me know so I can preorder one for you!

Double-Minded: Christian Culture’s Diametrically-Opposed Views of Marriage and Singleness

Buckle up, True Believers. It’s about to get real!

I am a Christian. In fact, as a child I did everything in a church except be born there. While I love the Bible and its theology and doctrine, Christian culture annoys me. Trust me when I say there are huge differences. It’s one of many reasons why I love The Babylon Bee: Christian culture is a frequent target of their satire. As it should be.

Image taken from www.trumpet-call.org.

While there are many problems with the Christian subculture (which I will refer to as “the church” from here on), one of the most egregious, in my opinion, is that it is double-minded when it comes to marriage and singleness. To put it succinctly, if you’re already married, it sings the praises of marriage and family, but if you’re single, it does little or nothing to help you get married and tells you singleness is superior to marriage.

I’m sorry, church, but you can’t have it both ways.

Go to any church and you’ll see how it’s family-centric. There are programs for parents, spouses, kids, and teens. Some offer programs for college students and recent graduates, but they seem to assume that everyone gets married by their mid-20s—if not sooner—so little is offered for those who aren’t. There are frequent sermon series on how to have a good marriage or be better parents. It’s hard to not go a week without hearing the theology of marriage; how it’s an earthly echo of Jesus Christ and his “bride,” the Church. (This is something that isn’t meant to be taken literally, by the way). In other words, most of the Christian subculture is centered on marriage and family.

Just don’t expect it to help you get married, like I said.

When it comes to taking steps toward marriage, in my experience, the church is mostly famine and little feast. Generally it seems to think relationships happen by osmosis. It rarely facilitates opportunities for young people—who frequently express their desire to be married—to meet each other and fall in love. Yet in the rare instances when they speak on the issue, they say the church is the best place to meet someone special. All that “unequally yoked” stuff, right? But there are hardly any programs for singles beyond college. And don’t even think about being single after age 30! You’ll be a misfit among misfits. The church won’t have any idea what to do with you. The rare times anyone in the church does try to help singles get to marriage, they’re obnoxiously overzealous or have nothing to offer but empty platitudes.

But then there’s the insult added to singles’ injuries.

The church’s praise of marriage ceases with singles. No longer is it this wonderful, covenantal portrait of Christ’s love. No, it’s a distraction. Instead of Ephesians 5, singles get 1 Corinthians 7. They’re told that marriage will narrow their scope, distract them from serving God, and even make them preoccupied with “earthly” things (there is no marriage in Heaven, after all). The only benefit they might mention is it can help curtail sexual sin, and even that seems like a concession they wish they didn’t have to make. In other words, marriage is a detriment to the single’s faith. This implicitly condemns the institution of marriage, ignoring the fact that it was created by God before Adam and Eve sinned. It wasn’t a byproduct of the Fall that God had roll with. This mindset also ignores the personal and societal benefits of marriage, many of which are being missed because of the culture of protracted singleness (to which the church has contributed some, but that’s a blog for another day).

What this does to Christian singles is it leaves them silently shamed. They desire marriage, but they’re told it’s a detriment to their faith and potential. If it’s a hindrance, why would they desire it? Should they? Why would Christ allow them to desire something that would distract them from serving Him? Yet the church tells the married majority that matrimony is sacred and powerful and must be protected. Why do you think Christian churches are always the ones fighting for the definition of marriage being “one man and one woman”? The irony is they’re just as likely to tell singles it isn’t worth it. Maybe for the sake of consistency they should tell married couples to all get divorced so they can have “undistracted service” for Christ. Oh wait, God says He hates divorce, so they hate divorce.

This is a catch-22 full of knots that the church keeps chewing in the mouth from which is talks out of both sides.

Singles aren’t second-class citizens nor are they inherently superior because they’re unmarried. Their desire for marriage is a good thing. It should be respected, nurtured, and encouraged. The pain they feel from this unfulfilled desire should be met with compassion and understanding and not lectures on contentment and 1 Corinthians 7. Doing that is no different than telling someone whose grandmother has died that he shouldn’t mourn because she’s “in a better place.” This is a pain most singles don’t just “get over.” To be alone (and rejected) when you desire a spouse is a form of widowhood. The Bible frequently commands Christians to care for widows.

What the church needs is consistency. Celebrate marriage with everyone. Help singles maximize their lives where they are and don’t shame them for desiring a spouse. For those rare few who’ve been called to singleness, give them opportunities not afforded to married people. Modes of service don’t decrease with marriage—they just change.

Marriage is hard, but so is singleness. Depending on the person, one or the other will be more difficult. Someone should never be forced into either one if God didn’t create them to be that way. It’s a simple concept. But the church has trouble grasping such things.

Are you a single who’s been hurt by these conflicting mindsets? How so? What do you think can be done to remedy these problems?