All Our Passions
By Nathan Marchand

“I’m still here, my darling. I just dozed off a little.”

“Then maybe you should take a break. You’ve been there for hours.”

“Oh, hello nurse. I didn’t hear you come in.”

“I moonlight as a ninja.”

“Heh-heh. No, I can’t leave my Joseph. I want to be the first person he sees when he wakes up from this coma.”

“How romantic! I hope he appreciates having such a vigilant wife.”

“Trust me, he does.”

“Just don’t squeeze his hand too hard. I’d hate to put it in a caste after he wakes up.”

“I think he’ll be fine. He has strong hands.”

“I’ll go get you some coffee.”

“Thank you.”

…

“It’s me, your blonde goddess Mercedes, my love. I’m the only one here now. I know that Corvette was your favorite car, but it was totaled in your accident. The police are still trying to figure out what caused it. I know you’d never do anything to wreck it. You loved it almost as much as you loved me. I promise Daddy will buy you a new one when—”

“Get away from him!”

“Jeffrey! What’s wrong with you?”

“Get away from my twin brother, dirty whore!”

“How dare you barge in and talk to me like that! I’m his wife!”

“Stop lying! I know about your plot.”

“What plot?”

“Don’t play innocent with me! The man lying on that bed isn’t Joseph—I’m Joseph!”

“You’re insane!”

“Am I?”

“Yes. You were always jealous I married your brother and not you.”

“You drugged me at our wedding reception, and then had my twin brother take my place.”

“I’d never do such a thing!”

“You treacherous slut! I know Jeffrey stole you from me and the two of you conspired to have him take my place and have me put away in some loony bin.”

“I love him, Jeffrey. I’d—”

“STOP CALLING ME THAT! I’M JOSEPH! I’M THE MAN YOU MARRIED!”

“No, you’re not! The man I married is lying there after nearly dying in a car accident.”

“Haha. Who do you think caused it?”

“What?”

“I cut the car’s break line so it’d look like an accident. If I couldn’t have you, neither would he!”

“You bastard!  I’m calling the nurse.”

“No, you won’t!”

“Let go of me!”

“Shut up, bitch!”

“Ahh! Ow!”

“Did you like having sense smacked into you?”

“Someone will hear this and call security!”

“Not with this chair barricading the door. Even then, it’s your word against mine.”

“Idiot! Joseph, Jeffrey, whoever is in that bed may be in a coma, but he’s heard everything. He’ll know what you did and tell everyone!”

“Not if I can help it.”

“Don’t you touch him!”

“Out of my way!”

“Ahhh!”

“Once I pull this plug, I’ll finish what I started.”

“No! Please—”

BEEEEEEP!

***

Jeffrey shot from his bed, gasping.

“Are you okay, Jeffrey?” asked his wife, who was sitting in bed next to him. “You’re as pale as a ghost and sweating like a pig.”

“Mercedes…I…”

“Was it Jeffrey or Joseph who pulled the plug?” interrupted a TV announcer. “Did Mercedes really plot to run away with her husband’s brother? Find out tomorrow on All Our Passions.”

“It’s weird watching this show because two characters have the same names as us.”

“What are you watching?”

“I couldn’t sleep, so I turned on the cable TV. It was tuned to the Soap Opera Network. I’m sorry if it woke you. I thought I’d turned it down enough. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. Trust me.”

“Did you have a nightmare?”

“No, but I wish I had.”