Category Archives: Blog

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From a Falcon to a Mastodon

It’s been a while, hasn’t it? Not unless you count the new vlogs (or episodes of my YouTube show, whichever you prefer). There’s a reason for that.

I was taking a graduate school class this summer.

61-61796Yes, I finally went and started grad school, which is something I’ve talked about doing for a while. I’m attending IPFW (Indiana-Purdue University Fort Wayne). I only took one class, but it was tough. Not because the class itself was difficult, but because I haven’t done any formal schooling since 2006. Things have changed a bit in eight years. I had to take a crash course in using online submission systems for assignments, among other things. I’m also attending a secular university, which is a huge contrast with Taylor University Fort Wayne, where I studied for my undergrad degree. No one has persecuted me or anything, it’s just that I have to get used to significantly different worldviews in the classroom.

My plan is study English with a writing concentration. In order to do that, I’m going for a teaching assistanceship. This would allow me to get some teaching experience (I like teaching writing), lower/pay for my tuition, and be a good job. The class I’m taking (and which finishes this week) is one I had to take in order to get the TA position. Unfortunately, I learned this week that IPFW won’t be adding any more TAs for the coming semester. Since I need that job to pay for my tuition, I’ve decided to wait a year before I start taking more classes.

But I shall not be idle. I plan to spend this coming year focusing more on my writing—as in finishing and publishing a book or two—freelancing more, and working to pay down my student loan debts. It’s time for a change in my life. I plan to move ahead with purpose.

Keep me in your prayers!

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A Response to Arthur Chu

Image courtesy of www.quickmeme.com.
Image courtesy of www.quickmeme.com.

Recently, I read an article by Arthur Chu where he likened the motivations of Santa Barbara shooter Elliot Rodger to the frustrations espoused by nerdy guys. It’s a well-written, thought-provoking piece with valid points, but it offended because of its blanket statements. It prompted me to write this response. I recommend reading it before you continue. There’s much I could address, but I’ll limit it to a few big points.

Mr. Chu, you’re of the opinion that all nerdy guys are misogynists. Not all of them are potential murderers and/or rapists, but they all suffer from misogyny. This was fed to them by the culture thanks to movies like Revenge of the Nerds or characters like Steve Urkel from Family Matters: the “lovable nerdy protagonists” who scheme and obnoxiously pursue women until they win them. They feel like they’re “entitled” to any woman they want because they work hard to win them, but those women reject their advances, so they end up hating and/or mistreating women.

That’s not true.

First, I know nerdy guys who are happily married. Second, pardon my ignorance, but did (the shooter) identify himself as a nerd/geek, or are you just applying his frustrations to that of nerdy guys? Third, how dare you accuse me of misogyny! I’m not a stalker. I’m not a murderer. I’m not an abuser. I’m not a hater. Yes, I have been rejected by multiple women. I’m 30 years old and still single. I’m not happy about that. Did I try too hard to win some of them? Yes, but that was after they dumped me and I was trying to mend things. Will I do it again? No. Did I do it because of those “lovable nerdy protagonists”? No, I did it because of stories I’d heard about couples breaking up and then reconciling. Have I wanted to blame all women for mistreating me? Sometimes, but it never took hold.

This issue cuts both ways. Why did this mindset propagated among nerd culture get started? Because women found nerds unappealing. Originally, that was probably due to their, yes, social awkwardness and lack of athleticism. (That old nerd stereotype exists for a reason). But that stereotype has been getting eroded for years. I don’t look like Steve Urkel. Big Bang Theory doesn’t use the stereotypical appearance of a nerd. That, however, isn’t my point. My point is this: women have bought what culture has fed them—that nerds aren’t appealing. They were taught that nerdy guys were annoying and/or unattractive. Sometimes even in the same shows or movies you site as misogynistic! So, this is a two-fold problem. To say the only victims are women is to ignore how nerdy guys have been mistreated by women. I know because I’m one of them, and so are several friends I know. Neither side is completely innocent.

I believe that nerds/geeks of both genders (though I’d still argue that nerdy guys outnumber nerdy girls) have trouble dating because they’re substantially different from other people. They’re creative, intelligent, and passionate. They can just as easily muse about silly things like which fictional characters would win in a fight as they can talk about the philosophies of Plato. Many people don’t know how to relate to that. It takes either a fellow nerd/geek or someone with a special understanding to appreciate them. But when that connection is made…it is glorious!

I would direct your attention to a blog post by Chelsea Fagan entitled, “Why Everyone Should Love Nerdy Boys.” It provides the opposite perspective of your article. The gist: nerds are genuine. When they find a special someone, they love that person with the same un-ironic passion they do their interests. I can vouch for that.

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Flame On! (or “Going Stir Crazy!”)

Be careful what you delete from your laptop thinking its malware—it may be a $100 mistake.

A few weeks ago, I did just that. My laptop had been running slow and bombarding me with pop-ups. I went into control panel and deleted any programs I didn’t recognize. I restarted the computer, but I got the newfangled “blue screen of death.” I called a comic/hobby/computer shop in Columbia City, Indiana, to have it repaired. I’ve been going to that place since high school and knew everyone there, but I had never utilized the computer repair service before.

That was nearly two weeks ago. Apparently, I deleted a recovery partition, and fixing the thing is proving to be more difficult than they expected. (So they say. Other techies I’ve talked to say it shouldn’t be such an issue).

This has put quite a damper on my writing. I have several half-finished projects still on the thing’s hard drive (thankfully, I backed most of it up on a portable hard drive). I also have a few videos I want to make. Now, I can use my local libraries’ or friends’ computers, but that isn’t always convenient. As for writing, it’s been suggested I write it shorthand. I’ve done this before, but I must admit I like the immediacy of having it saved on the computer so I don’t have to transcribe it later. (Makes me wonder how old-timey writers could write multiple drafts before the advent of PCs!)

I’ve felt unproductive, for the most part, the last two weeks. It drives me crazy. Despite hanging out with some friends, I feel like I’m wasting time. Perhaps I’m a closet workaholic (I hope not). It’s like a weird version of cabin fever.


(Gotta love the Muppets!)

More likely, it’s because I have all these things to say, all these stories to tell, and I can’t get them out of me.

In college, my friend and fellow writer Keith Osmun shared a Bible passage with me he called “the writer’s verse.” It goes, “But if I say, ‘I will not mention His word or speak anymore in His name,’ His word is in my heart like a fire, a fire shut up in my bones. I am weary of holding it in; indeed, I cannot” (Jeremiah 20:9).

Now, I’m not about to put my writing—or anyone’s writing—on par with Scripture. However, it does describe most writers, especially Christian writers. God made us storytellers. He blessed us with talent and ideas. If we keep them in, we would burst like overfilled water balloons. In Jeremiah’s case, it was like containing an internal inferno. It will eat us up inside until it is released. Since I’ve temporarily lost my primary means of release, I’m about to lose my mind. No wonder most writers are neurotic.

Anyway, that’s another reason I’ve been quiet—too quiet—on the site. I meant to write something about why I’m not participating in National Poetry Writing Month this year, but that will have to wait.

Until then, fellow writers, be like the Human Torch and “Flame on!”

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Why Shouldn’t Characters Make Mistakes?

My mind tends to wander at my day job (no surprise, right?) and contemplate random ideas. Most recently, I thought about how audiences are averse to characters making mistakes.

Critics and comedians alike have made careers out pointing out the “stupid” mistakes characters—villains in particular—make in many stories. I’ll be the first to say I’m not beyond making such criticisms/jokes and I love websites like the Evil Overlord List. But this begs the question: What’s wrong with characters making mistakes?

"Now here's my little secret--I AM YOUR FATHER! (oh wait...wrong movie!)" Image courtesy of www.queeofsarcasm.tripod.com
“Now here’s my little secret–I AM YOUR FATHER! (oh wait…wrong movie!)”
Image courtesy of www.queeofsarcasm.tripod.com

The specific instance I was thinking when this thought came to mind was Scar in The Lion King. When Simba returns to Pride Rock, Scar forces him to confess that he’s responsible for Mufasa’s death. He pushes Simba over the edge of a cliff. Then, with his nephew clutching the precipice, Scar whispers that was actually him who killed Mufasa. Simba suddenly finds a second wind and pounces on his uncle. The climactic showdown follows.

On the surface, this seems like a variation of the tried-and-true “villain’s monologue before killing hero” trope. If Scar had just kept his mouth shut, he’d probably still be king. Plenty of other villains have made the same mistake. Is it often contrived and stupid? Yes. But I would argue that when done right, it serves the story.

One of the great ironies of villains (and other characters) is that they’re undone by their own hubris. For villains it usually manifests as sadism or narcissism. In other words, they show off. They can’t just kill the hero: they have to flaunt how badly they’ve beaten them. The hero, usually being the villain’s foil, exploits this weakness, thus proving that humility trumps arrogance.

But this isn’t limited to villains. Many have criticized Hamlet’s reluctance to kill his uncle when he had the chance in Shakespeare’s classic play. (I’m amused at the unintentional irony because The Lion King was loosely inspired by Hamlet, but I digress). If he had done so, Hamlet not only would’ve avenged his father, he probably would’ve prevented his own death. (My apologies for the spoiler). 😛

I think much of this criticism stems from audiences’ own arrogance, whether they know it or not. They watch characters make mistakes and think, “I wouldn’t have done that.” Maybe they wouldn’t have. Or they would’ve made a different mistake. The truth is that both good and bad people make mistakes in real life. Napoleon made an infamous one at Waterloo. Hitler foolishly tried to invade Russia during winter. George W. Bush gave a war speech under a banner that said, “Mission Accomplished.” The list could go on. Nobody’s perfect. Art is a reflection of reality, and mistakes are part of it. That can be traced all the way back to the Garden of Eden. Mistakes can and do service a story.

So be careful next you criticize a character’s mistakes. You may as well be indicting yourself, too.

Besides, Vizzini avoided making “one of the classic blunders,” and it still got him killed!

"...but only slightly less well-known is this: "'Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line'! Ha ha ha..."
“…but only slightly less well-known is this: “‘Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line’! Ha ha ha…”
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Waiting

Image courtesy of www.Gigaom.com
Image courtesy of www.Gigaom.com

I (usually) have the patience of a saint, but even a saint has his limits.

While things like the Internet and self-publishing have given writers greater opportunities for instant gratification, the writing life remains the slowest business in the world. A writer must have patience, among other things, or else he will give up early in the race. I know this firsthand. It took at least six months longer than normal for Hades Publications to pick up Pandora’s Box, and even then it was because I pestered them to the point of a restraining order. It takes time for editors to rummage through manuscripts and separate the wheat from the chaff. Then that “wheat” must be threshed (i.e. edited).

Lately, I’ve felt like my life and especially my career have been in a holding pattern. I’ve tried to contact publishers about writing for them; agents about representing me; and artists about creating artwork for self-published books. Many of them take a while to respond, if at all. I joined a freelance writers group, but was put on the waiting list since there aren’t any openings right now. I tried to sign up for this year’s Writers’ Corner at Gen-Con, but it filled up fast, so I was—you guessed it—put on the waiting list. There’s no guarantee I’ll return as a merchant to the convention this year. 🙁 I’ve also been considering going to grad school, but due to a combination of ignorance and tarrying, I may have to postpone that until next year.

This drives me crazy because I am a man of action. When I set my mind to do something, I do it. Unfortunately, I can only do so much. Eventually, I must let someone else, like an editor, do his job before I can continue. On the other hand, I’m not immune to the sting of failure. Past disappointments have paralyzed me; made me hesitant to forge ahead. It’s hard to move when you haven’t any momentum. Perhaps my difficulty with beginnings goes beyond writing stories.

I began 2014 with the goal of trusting God more. Little did I realize that like Morgan Freeman’s God said in Evan Almighty would be true: “If someone prays for patience, you think God gives them patience? Or does He give them the opportunity to be patient?” Patience, like most things, requires trust. In order to foster both, one must have opportunities for them. An athlete can’t develop muscles unless he exercises. So it is with developing virtues.

I say all of this to say that, perhaps, these holding patterns are God’s ways of answering my prayers. I may not like it, but in the end, it will be the best thing for me.

As the old saying goes, “Good things come to those who wait.”

However, I think my favorite Bible verse says it better: “But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; they shall walk, and not faint” (Isaiah 40:31 KJV).

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Breaking Down the Wall

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I shouldn’t be writing this blog post. No, really. I have a short story whose deadline is the end of next month. It’s for an anthology a fellow writer is assembling. I started it last night. I should be working on that. Why am I not? I’m stuck. Call it “writer’s block,” if you want, but I can’t get the story going.

Every writer, if he’s honest, will admit that while he loves the craft, there is always a part of writing that is most difficult for him. Personally, I’ve noticed I usually have the most trouble starting a story. This isn’t always true (I drilled out last week’s flash fiction in less than 30 minutes, I think), and sometimes I overcome that initial difficulty faster than others, but it still tends to be the hardest point in a story for me. The ideas are swirling in my head like overzealous bees locked in a hive, but when I stare at that blank page, silence falls. (Gotta love unintentional Doctor Who references). Suddenly those bees don’t want out. I managed to crank out a few hundred words, but it was a chore and I hated most of them.

However, when I get past that initial “block” and find the story’s rhythm and voice—it’s like dancing with a whirlwind. Characters come alive; descriptions jump off the page; and settings envelope my mind’s eye until they become my mini-world. It is glorious! I live for times like that. All writers do.

But in order to get into that “zone,” I need to break through that first wall. Some days I can smash through it like Superman (which is funny because I have a Supes costume—maybe I should wear it during those hard days!). Other times, I’m a mere mortal who bruises his shoulder while constantly running into the wall hoping to find a weak spot. Regardless of whether I smash through the quickly or not, it’s a triumph, for out of the white-hot throes of creative energy a new story is birthed. This one I’m working on in particular is one I’m excited about. I just need to get break down the wall.

Now, where’s my Superman costume? 😛

What’s your “wall” in writing? Let’s discuss it in the comments.

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Washing Feet

Despite my disdain for Valentine’s Day, I’ve decided to post something today. No, it’s not a bitter rant.

I’ve attended many Christian weddings (I’m a Christ-follower, after all), and a common thread throughout them is the couple selecting a Bible passage for the occasion and having the presiding pastor give a short sermon on it. These are usually 1 Corinthians 13, Genesis 2, Ephesians 5:22-33, or a portion of Song of Solomon/Songs. These are great choices, but when I get married, I don’t plan to use any of them.

I’m going to use John 13:1-17.

Read the passage in the above link.
Read the passage in the above link.

You’re probably thinking, “That passage has nothing to do with marriage or romance!”

No, but it has everything to do with love.

Ever notice how most romance stories are about big and grand acts of love? Knights rescuing maidens from dragons. Heroes saving heroines from villains. An elaborate profession of love (like drawing a heart on the side of a building). We all love dragon slayers and want to be like them, and with good reason, but in real life, love usually finds expression in the small things. Sometimes that “dragon” is the dishes that need washed, the diapers that need changed, or the special date that is remembered.

Jesus Christ, God Incarnate, the Creator of the Universe, humbled Himself to perform the most menial of tasks. Washing feet was work relegated to slaves. It was undignified for a rabbi like Jesus to perform such a task. But He did it despite Peter’s objections. It was an example of servant leadership. It’s easy to be served, but love’s nature is to serve others. It may mean doing thankless, disgusting, and/or embarrassing things. It is agape (unconditional) love. It isn’t a feeling; it’s an act of the will. Any lover can die for his beloved. But to live an unglamorous life in service to his beloved? That requires true love. Keep in mind that Jesus washed the disciples’ feet hours before he was nailed to a cross to die for mankind’s sins. That was His greatest act of love. But this humble act anticipated it. In other words, the little things husbands and wives do for each other adds significance to the big things.

Jesus went on to say, “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another” (John 13:34-35). One of God’s purposes for marriage is echoing His love for the church. So, by loving each other even in these small, seemingly insignificant ways, a husband and wife broadcast God’s love in Technicolor, especially in this age of rampant divorce.

I want a marriage like this. I want to be the kind of man and husband who will “wash feet” for his wife.

I pray you want the same for yourself, True Believers.

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Never Forget Your Singleness

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Image courtesy of www.bigbaddie.com.
Image courtesy of www.bigbaddie.com.

I’ve made it no secret that Valentine’s Day is my least favorite holiday. In fact, I, like many people, euphemistically call it Singleness Awareness Day. This will be my 30th V-Day in a row without someone special. I’ve had a few girlfriends, but never on this holiday.

What annoys me is whenever singles—especially in Christian circles—lament their singleness in any way, they get tired platitudes (“It’ll happen when you’re not looking,” “Jesus is your boyfriend/girlfriend,” etc.) instead of sympathy. Or, worse yet, heartless lectures. These Christians, despite their good intentions, succeed in only denigrating marriage and singles’ desire for it. They cite Bible passages like 1 Corinthians 7 and make it sound like singleness is the godlier lifestyle. They even accuse singles of either desiring marriage so much they blind themselves to it not being God’s will for them or idolizing it to the point of defying God in seeking it. The worst part is these come from married Christians 99% of the time.

I believe these people have been married for so long, they have forgotten what it was like to be single. Or their time as a single was comparatively short and/or easy. In other words, they’ve lost their frame of reference, if they even had one. They are unable to sympathize. How can a person understand someone who is 30 years old, single, and desiring marriage if he married in his early twenties? Any struggles he had as a single are distant memories. Marital bliss has made him callous. He runs off with his sweetheart on V-Day, forgetting his single friends—if he has any—are alone at home.

I, however, won’t forget my singleness when I get married. I’ve spent too much time struggling with singleness to do so. I’ve watched friends hook up and get married while I was passed over, wondering if something was wrong with me or if I was unworthy of love. I’ve battled lust and a bottled-up sex drive. My hopes have been shattered and deferred. It gets harder to say, “It is not good for man to be alone,” with each passing year. I’m constantly told I’m a great guy, yet no woman seems to like me for long, if at all (unless they’re desperate).

I say all of that to say that I will be a countercultural married. I won’t forget singles or their plight. I’ll seek them out, talk to them, pray with them. I’ll validate their desires and advise them on how to fulfill them. Valentine’s Day won’t be a day where my wife and I go on an overly elaborate date. It will be a day where I invite all the singles I know to my house for a party, and we will serve them. We’ll prepare food, play games, and talk about the struggles of single life. Why? Because I want them to know there’s at least one couple out there who wants to redeem this so-called “romantic” holiday and include singles in it. They won’t be forgotten because I was once one of them, and I wished the couples I knew wouldn’t leave me by the wayside.

Couples, will you do this for the singles you know, especially if they’re your friends, this Valentine’s Day?

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Nothing Bad Happens to a Writer

In college, my writing professor shared an interesting quotation with his students (a line I’ve just learned was said by novelist Philip Roth): “Nothing bad happens to a writer. Everything is material.” I didn’t take it too seriously at the time. It just seemed like an extension of the old writer’s mantra, “Write what you know.”

Not long after that, Taylor University Fort Wayne (my alma mater) was visited by Jerry B. Jenkins, author of the then-popular Left Behind books. He gave a special lecture to all the students of the communications department. One thing he said has stuck with me in the decade since. He admitted that he’d had a comparatively “easy” life—and lamented that that meant his “writing well” wasn’t as deep as others’. I was surprised by this, to say the least. Not that I was a huge fan of his writing (I tried reading the first Left Behind book and got bored after two chapters), but it seemed a little strange.

I don’t like getting too personal on this site. I had a blog for that for a long time (not anymore), but I often thought I revealed too much there. I like maintaining a certain level of privacy, especially since I’m in a position to become a public figure.

That being said, I’ve faced the greatest trials of my life since college. I’ve struggled to find work. I’ve lost jobs. I’ve had several painful break-ups. I’ve scraped by on little money. That’s just a few of my tribulations.

Twice I’ve gone to a pastor I’ve known all my life for counseling. I don’t mean I saw him on two occasions—I mean I’ve twice gone to him once a week for several months. During both of those times, he told me the same thing: “I think this is to make you a better writer.” I was frozen in shock. On one hand, I wanted my suffering to end. On the other, I wanted to be a better writer.

If you study an artist’s works enough, you can get to know them. His worldview bleeds through. His thoughts, emotions, and philosophies are the metaphysical raw materials he uses to create the work. People gravitate toward certain artists or works because they can identify with them; they have a kinship with them, just like they would with friends and family.

For example, I identified with Clark Kent from Smallville because for a long time I felt like that show was a superhero version of my life. Clark was raised with old-fashioned values in a small Midwest town; he had trouble talking to the girl he liked; he was betrayed by his best friend (Lex Luthor); and he often suffered for doing the right thing. (I won’t say more for the sake of privacy). I doubt that show would’ve had the potency it did unless the creators had experienced similar things themselves. You can’t fake something like that.

The same is true of my own stories. I often use them to try to make sense of my own life. I fill them with disguised versions of my own questions, longings, and disappointments. Honestly, I often wrestle with God in them. But this usually happens subconsciously. My journal is where I do intentional (and often Hamlet-esque) introspection. Regardless, I don’t think I would’ve written the stories I have if not for my life experience.

These stories aren’t just for me, though. Heck, I wouldn’t even say they’re primarily for me. They’re for you, my readers. Each one is, in a way, an invitation for you to examine your own life and find answers to your questions. I may not always have answers for you, but they can inspire you to take a journey of discovery. You may see a piece of yourself in one of my characters. You may identify with one of my plotlines. However it happens, consider it a service I offer you besides simple entertainment. (And if that’s all you get out of them, then I helped you escape from your problems for a short time).

Who knows, I may save you thousands in therapy bills.

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Who Wins in a Fight: Katniss or Pandora?

Image courtesy of www.IMDB.com.
Image courtesy of www.IMDB.com.
PandorasBox04
Cover art by Tomislav Tikulin.

Expecting a nerdy exposition about whether Pandora Brewer, the heroine of my novel Pandora’s Box, could beat Katniss Everdeen, heroine of Suzanne Collins’ hot Hunger Games books, in a street fight? Then I apologize for the sensational but slightly misleading blog title. (But feel free to debate that with me in the comments).

Yesterday, I received a message from a friend in Virginia who said her pastor’s family came over for dinner and their daughter, an avid reader, discovered my friend’s copy of my novel. She devoured it. My friend asked me to send this girl an autographed copy (we nerds know to take care for our fans). So, fangirl, if you’re reading this, rest assured you will be getting that copy soon! And thanks for reading my book!

This reminded me of an unexpected turn in my young career as a novelist: the fanbase for my novel has tended to be young adults. In other words, the Hunger Games crowd. This astonishes me. I didn’t write Pandora’s Box for them but for a general science fiction audience. Pandora Brewer is in her early-to-mid-twenties in most of the novel (she was a child in one chapter and 18 years old in another). Yet it seems she appeals to fans of Katniss Everdeen. I admit the characters have some similarities, but they’re quite different characters. (I could write an entire blog post on that). What’s equally astonishing is most of the libraries who have stocked my novel have put it in the YA section. I can only think of one off-hand that has put it in the regular science fiction section. My friend Natasha Hayden, an avid reader of YA, would tell you Pandora’s Box doesn’t belong in YA.

As I think about it, though, those libraries may have noticed something I didn’t. I wrote the first draft of this novel when I was 18. I worked on it periodically throughout college, finishing it six to eight months after graduation. In other words, I wrote this book when I was still a member the target audience for YA books. I was reading a few such books at the time, so their influence was undeniable. I could be wrong, but I do think the writing, not publication, of my book predated Suzanne Collins’ epic trilogy. Regardless, all this probably gave my book a YA flavor.

But the best explanation can probably be summarized by something Jonathan Maberry said when I saw him in Maryland several months back: “YA is fearless.” Those books and authors will try anything, no matter how crazy or unorthodox. “Adult” books and authors, he said, are too worried about sticking to formula. In that regard, YA authors are my kindred. I tend to ignore trends and conventions. I just want to tell my stories. I want to be original. I’d rather be a trendsetter. (Probably why I have a tough time getting a literary agent).

Perhaps that’s why I’m appealing to this audience: they sense that fearlessness in my writing.

They’ll be excited to know I’m writing a sequel, and its heroine will be a 17-year-old girl. 😉

Besides, comparing my novel to Hunger Games is just good marketing.

(And for the record, I think Pandora can take Katniss). 😛