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The Obligatory Gen-Con 2014 Blog

It’s been a week since Gen-Con 2014 ended, and as usual, I miss it. Not only does Gen-Con have a great Authors’ Avenue where I can sell books and a great Writers’ Symposium where I can attend seminars, it’s one of the few places I can be an unbridled nerd and nobody judges me.

If you follow me on Facebook (and if you don’t, you should), you saw my almost up-to-the-minute updates while my brother Jarod and I were at the four-day convention. There’s a lot I could write about, but for now I’ll focus on a few highlights not mentioned in those posts. UPDATE: More photos from Gen-Con have been posted on my Facebook page!

Want to see photographs from the convention? I recommend checking out my Facebook page. Until I figure out how the new photo gallery plug-in I downloaded works, that’s where I’ll be posting photos from signings and such. Sorry.

First, here are the fans/readers I met while I was at the con, both new and old.

My first sale of the con! A gentleman named Scott Blankenship purchased "Destroyer" and "The Day After."
My first sale of the con! A gentleman named Scott Blankenship purchased “Destroyer” and “The Day After.”
Here I am with fellow kaiju fan Tom Tancredi after he purchased "Destroyer."
Here I am with fellow kaiju fan Tom Tancredi after he purchased “Destroyer.”
My first "Chidlren of the Wells" buyer! His name is Sean Steele (which sounds like the name of a hero in a book).
My first “Children of the Wells” buyer! His name is Sean Steele (which sounds like the name of a hero in a book).
I convinced my buddy Darrin Ball to buy "Destroyer" and "The Day After" since he purchased "Pandora's Box" from me a few years ago. He's still the HeroScape champ to me! ;)
I convinced my buddy Darrin Ball to buy “Destroyer” and “The Day After” since he purchased “Pandora’s Box” from me a few years ago. He’s still the HeroScape champ to me! 😉
This is Ben and Ashley Davis. I befriended them through Facebook (mostly), and they stopped by and bought "Pandora's Box." Wonderful people!
This is Ben and Ashley Davis. I befriended them through Facebook (mostly), and they stopped by and bought “Pandora’s Box.” Wonderful people!
Joe Stichmeyer (I hope I spelled that right), anotehr fellow kaiju fan, bought "Destroyer" from me and "Mammoth Monster Madness"--an anthology I contributed to--from Ed Russell.
Joe Stichmeyer (I hope I spelled that right), anotehr fellow kaiju fan, bought “Destroyer” from me and “Mammoth Monster Madness”–an anthology I contributed to–from Ed Russell.
A Rogue cosplayer named Alyssa who bought "The Day After."
A Rogue cosplayer named Alyssa who bought “The Day After.”
I met Alyssa VanderGalien (I hope I spelled that right) at the FFC/CGG worship service that morning, and she stopped by to purchase "The Day After."
I met Alyssa VanderGalien (I hope I spelled that right) at the FFC/CGG worship service that morning, and she stopped by to purchase “The Day After.”
Here I am with Patricia Gore.
Here I am with Patricia Gore.

This was Jarod’s first time at Gen-Con, though it wasn’t his first convention. He’s gone with me to several others this year as attendees. We made prints of the illustrations he’s done for my short stories and the titles cards he’s made for my YouTube show, “But I Digress…”. Unfortunately, for whatever reason, we weren’t able to sell any of these. I was shocked. Conventions seemed like the places where people would eat up his artwork. Perhaps it was because we were in the authors’ section and not the art show area. Regardless, he did manage to get a pair of commissions: one for a steampunk pin-up girl a guy wanted for a restaurant he wants to start called Pandora’s Lunchbox (he told us about it because of the title of my novel), and another for a con-goer who wanted little pictures of Wile E. Coyote and a Digimon for a Magic: The Gathering card. Jarod also drew a few random sketches during our downtime, especially when things were slow on Thursday, including Maleficent, a ballerina Dalek (no joke), and a ninja Elsa. He gave the last one to a Jedi Elsa cosplayer, who inspired the artwork.

As for my book sales, they were slow again this year. I took fewer books with me assuming I’d sell out, but I didn’t. I got a few bits of advice from my fellow writers on how to improve that:

1) Get new signs. I’ve been using Jarod’s handmade sign for three years now. It’s time I upgraded. It’ll help me look more professional.

2)  Have more books. For whatever reason, people will be more interested in buying books when they have more choices. I thought the opposite was true, but I think it would diversify my appeal and show people I’m still writing.

It didn’t help that the new books I wanted to take—Children of the Wells, Volume 1—didn’t arrive in time, so I wasn’t able to sell them until Saturday. Even so, that was a bit of tough sell since I wasn’t in that collection (but I’ll be in volume two).

However, I think my networking was much-improved this year. I talked with more of the writers there and shared my business cards with them. I think I even found a publisher interested in seeing Ninjas and Talking Trees. J Hopefully, in the coming year, that will all pay off.

As usual, while other vendors were too tired to enjoy the convention after the exhibitors’ hall closed, I was still running around with boundless energy like the Doctor. (In fact, I cosplayed as the 10th Doctor while I was there on Sunday).

I've harassed this Dalek every year, and I was excited to do so this time since I had a real costume. But his batteries were dead. He must've been so scared, he shut down. :P
I’ve harassed this Dalek every year, and I was excited to do so this time since I had a real costume. But his batteries were dead. He must’ve been so scared, he shut down. 😛

I attended many writing seminars since many of the other events I wanted to attend were sold out. (I waited to sign up since I was on the waiting list for months and wasn’t sure I’d make it to the convention). Regardless, I was still able to participate in an “Ultra Street Fighter IV” tournament Friday night and see the Five Year Mission show Saturday night. I wasn’t able to play any board games, though.

Overall, I don’t think it was quite as good of an experience as last year’s convention, but I still want to return next year. That, sadly, is uncertain since the organizers didn’t allow writers and artists an early sign up at the end of the convention like they usually do. I have no idea when tables will be available. On the bright side, I could have as many as three new titles to sell at next year’s convention if all goes as planned (more on that later).

See you next year, Gen-Con!

Blog, News, Appearances, Announcements

See you at Gen-Con 2014!

Talk about last minute!

Gen-Con in Indianapolis, Indiana. Aug. 14-17.
Gen-Con in Indianapolis, Indiana. Aug. 14-17.

I’ve been meaning to let you all know that I’ll be returning to Gen-Con in Indianapolis August 14-17—as in, next week! I haven’t mentioned it before because I was busy with my IPFW class, but it was mostly due to being on the waiting list for the exhibitors’ hall. I didn’t have the money to pay for a table at the end of last year’s convention, so I decided to wait until applications for it opened in February. But they sold out in less than 24 hours! Hence why I ended up on the waiting list. I didn’t get in until June, I think.

I’ll be at table N. (How appropriate, right?)

However, you won’t just see me at the convention. My brother and artist extraordinaire Jarod will be joining me. He’ll be selling prints of the artwork he’s made for my short stories and videos, including new illustrations I’ve yet to post on the site!

What books will I be selling? Some copies of my mainstays (Pandora’s Box, Destroyer, The Day After), as well as copies of Children of the Wells, Vol. 1 (I didn’t write any of the novellas included in that, but I want to promote the series).

Here’s a trailer for it:

I had hoped to have at least one more new book to sell here, but things don’t always go as planned in the writing world. In fact, they rarely do.

downloadBut I will be featured in two short story collections at the con. The first is Missing Pieces: Vol. V edited by C.E. Rocco. It’s a collection of stories written by authors who attend Gen-Con. The catch is it must be a story that ties into a book they were selling at the convention. So, True Believers, you will once again read a tale set in the world of Pandora’s Box. My story, “Agony in the Dark,” will help bridge the gap between that novel and the upcoming sequel, Hope’s War.

10557505_720808297985703_134042956122729818_oThe second collection is Mammoth Monster Mayhem edited by my buddy Ed Russell. It’s a collection of giant monster stories, so you know I had to jump at it. My story is entitled, “Defying Scylla,” and follows three young siblings as they try to escape their ruined city while being pursued by a giant beast purported to be a god. Unfortunately, Ed is scrambling to get it done, and there’s no guarantee it’ll be ready by the convention. Keep your fingers crossed!

I’m only cosplaying for one day this year. When will it be? Who will I be? Come find out!

(Wow. That’s a lot of links and multimedia. Overwhelmed?)

SEE YOU AT THE BEST FOUR DAYS OF GAMING!

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From a Falcon to a Mastodon

It’s been a while, hasn’t it? Not unless you count the new vlogs (or episodes of my YouTube show, whichever you prefer). There’s a reason for that.

I was taking a graduate school class this summer.

61-61796Yes, I finally went and started grad school, which is something I’ve talked about doing for a while. I’m attending IPFW (Indiana-Purdue University Fort Wayne). I only took one class, but it was tough. Not because the class itself was difficult, but because I haven’t done any formal schooling since 2006. Things have changed a bit in eight years. I had to take a crash course in using online submission systems for assignments, among other things. I’m also attending a secular university, which is a huge contrast with Taylor University Fort Wayne, where I studied for my undergrad degree. No one has persecuted me or anything, it’s just that I have to get used to significantly different worldviews in the classroom.

My plan is study English with a writing concentration. In order to do that, I’m going for a teaching assistanceship. This would allow me to get some teaching experience (I like teaching writing), lower/pay for my tuition, and be a good job. The class I’m taking (and which finishes this week) is one I had to take in order to get the TA position. Unfortunately, I learned this week that IPFW won’t be adding any more TAs for the coming semester. Since I need that job to pay for my tuition, I’ve decided to wait a year before I start taking more classes.

But I shall not be idle. I plan to spend this coming year focusing more on my writing—as in finishing and publishing a book or two—freelancing more, and working to pay down my student loan debts. It’s time for a change in my life. I plan to move ahead with purpose.

Keep me in your prayers!

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A Response to Arthur Chu

Image courtesy of www.quickmeme.com.
Image courtesy of www.quickmeme.com.

Recently, I read an article by Arthur Chu where he likened the motivations of Santa Barbara shooter Elliot Rodger to the frustrations espoused by nerdy guys. It’s a well-written, thought-provoking piece with valid points, but it offended because of its blanket statements. It prompted me to write this response. I recommend reading it before you continue. There’s much I could address, but I’ll limit it to a few big points.

Mr. Chu, you’re of the opinion that all nerdy guys are misogynists. Not all of them are potential murderers and/or rapists, but they all suffer from misogyny. This was fed to them by the culture thanks to movies like Revenge of the Nerds or characters like Steve Urkel from Family Matters: the “lovable nerdy protagonists” who scheme and obnoxiously pursue women until they win them. They feel like they’re “entitled” to any woman they want because they work hard to win them, but those women reject their advances, so they end up hating and/or mistreating women.

That’s not true.

First, I know nerdy guys who are happily married. Second, pardon my ignorance, but did (the shooter) identify himself as a nerd/geek, or are you just applying his frustrations to that of nerdy guys? Third, how dare you accuse me of misogyny! I’m not a stalker. I’m not a murderer. I’m not an abuser. I’m not a hater. Yes, I have been rejected by multiple women. I’m 30 years old and still single. I’m not happy about that. Did I try too hard to win some of them? Yes, but that was after they dumped me and I was trying to mend things. Will I do it again? No. Did I do it because of those “lovable nerdy protagonists”? No, I did it because of stories I’d heard about couples breaking up and then reconciling. Have I wanted to blame all women for mistreating me? Sometimes, but it never took hold.

This issue cuts both ways. Why did this mindset propagated among nerd culture get started? Because women found nerds unappealing. Originally, that was probably due to their, yes, social awkwardness and lack of athleticism. (That old nerd stereotype exists for a reason). But that stereotype has been getting eroded for years. I don’t look like Steve Urkel. Big Bang Theory doesn’t use the stereotypical appearance of a nerd. That, however, isn’t my point. My point is this: women have bought what culture has fed them—that nerds aren’t appealing. They were taught that nerdy guys were annoying and/or unattractive. Sometimes even in the same shows or movies you site as misogynistic! So, this is a two-fold problem. To say the only victims are women is to ignore how nerdy guys have been mistreated by women. I know because I’m one of them, and so are several friends I know. Neither side is completely innocent.

I believe that nerds/geeks of both genders (though I’d still argue that nerdy guys outnumber nerdy girls) have trouble dating because they’re substantially different from other people. They’re creative, intelligent, and passionate. They can just as easily muse about silly things like which fictional characters would win in a fight as they can talk about the philosophies of Plato. Many people don’t know how to relate to that. It takes either a fellow nerd/geek or someone with a special understanding to appreciate them. But when that connection is made…it is glorious!

I would direct your attention to a blog post by Chelsea Fagan entitled, “Why Everyone Should Love Nerdy Boys.” It provides the opposite perspective of your article. The gist: nerds are genuine. When they find a special someone, they love that person with the same un-ironic passion they do their interests. I can vouch for that.

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Flame On! (or “Going Stir Crazy!”)

Be careful what you delete from your laptop thinking its malware—it may be a $100 mistake.

A few weeks ago, I did just that. My laptop had been running slow and bombarding me with pop-ups. I went into control panel and deleted any programs I didn’t recognize. I restarted the computer, but I got the newfangled “blue screen of death.” I called a comic/hobby/computer shop in Columbia City, Indiana, to have it repaired. I’ve been going to that place since high school and knew everyone there, but I had never utilized the computer repair service before.

That was nearly two weeks ago. Apparently, I deleted a recovery partition, and fixing the thing is proving to be more difficult than they expected. (So they say. Other techies I’ve talked to say it shouldn’t be such an issue).

This has put quite a damper on my writing. I have several half-finished projects still on the thing’s hard drive (thankfully, I backed most of it up on a portable hard drive). I also have a few videos I want to make. Now, I can use my local libraries’ or friends’ computers, but that isn’t always convenient. As for writing, it’s been suggested I write it shorthand. I’ve done this before, but I must admit I like the immediacy of having it saved on the computer so I don’t have to transcribe it later. (Makes me wonder how old-timey writers could write multiple drafts before the advent of PCs!)

I’ve felt unproductive, for the most part, the last two weeks. It drives me crazy. Despite hanging out with some friends, I feel like I’m wasting time. Perhaps I’m a closet workaholic (I hope not). It’s like a weird version of cabin fever.


(Gotta love the Muppets!)

More likely, it’s because I have all these things to say, all these stories to tell, and I can’t get them out of me.

In college, my friend and fellow writer Keith Osmun shared a Bible passage with me he called “the writer’s verse.” It goes, “But if I say, ‘I will not mention His word or speak anymore in His name,’ His word is in my heart like a fire, a fire shut up in my bones. I am weary of holding it in; indeed, I cannot” (Jeremiah 20:9).

Now, I’m not about to put my writing—or anyone’s writing—on par with Scripture. However, it does describe most writers, especially Christian writers. God made us storytellers. He blessed us with talent and ideas. If we keep them in, we would burst like overfilled water balloons. In Jeremiah’s case, it was like containing an internal inferno. It will eat us up inside until it is released. Since I’ve temporarily lost my primary means of release, I’m about to lose my mind. No wonder most writers are neurotic.

Anyway, that’s another reason I’ve been quiet—too quiet—on the site. I meant to write something about why I’m not participating in National Poetry Writing Month this year, but that will have to wait.

Until then, fellow writers, be like the Human Torch and “Flame on!”

Blog

Why Shouldn’t Characters Make Mistakes?

My mind tends to wander at my day job (no surprise, right?) and contemplate random ideas. Most recently, I thought about how audiences are averse to characters making mistakes.

Critics and comedians alike have made careers out pointing out the “stupid” mistakes characters—villains in particular—make in many stories. I’ll be the first to say I’m not beyond making such criticisms/jokes and I love websites like the Evil Overlord List. But this begs the question: What’s wrong with characters making mistakes?

"Now here's my little secret--I AM YOUR FATHER! (oh wait...wrong movie!)" Image courtesy of www.queeofsarcasm.tripod.com
“Now here’s my little secret–I AM YOUR FATHER! (oh wait…wrong movie!)”
Image courtesy of www.queeofsarcasm.tripod.com

The specific instance I was thinking when this thought came to mind was Scar in The Lion King. When Simba returns to Pride Rock, Scar forces him to confess that he’s responsible for Mufasa’s death. He pushes Simba over the edge of a cliff. Then, with his nephew clutching the precipice, Scar whispers that was actually him who killed Mufasa. Simba suddenly finds a second wind and pounces on his uncle. The climactic showdown follows.

On the surface, this seems like a variation of the tried-and-true “villain’s monologue before killing hero” trope. If Scar had just kept his mouth shut, he’d probably still be king. Plenty of other villains have made the same mistake. Is it often contrived and stupid? Yes. But I would argue that when done right, it serves the story.

One of the great ironies of villains (and other characters) is that they’re undone by their own hubris. For villains it usually manifests as sadism or narcissism. In other words, they show off. They can’t just kill the hero: they have to flaunt how badly they’ve beaten them. The hero, usually being the villain’s foil, exploits this weakness, thus proving that humility trumps arrogance.

But this isn’t limited to villains. Many have criticized Hamlet’s reluctance to kill his uncle when he had the chance in Shakespeare’s classic play. (I’m amused at the unintentional irony because The Lion King was loosely inspired by Hamlet, but I digress). If he had done so, Hamlet not only would’ve avenged his father, he probably would’ve prevented his own death. (My apologies for the spoiler). 😛

I think much of this criticism stems from audiences’ own arrogance, whether they know it or not. They watch characters make mistakes and think, “I wouldn’t have done that.” Maybe they wouldn’t have. Or they would’ve made a different mistake. The truth is that both good and bad people make mistakes in real life. Napoleon made an infamous one at Waterloo. Hitler foolishly tried to invade Russia during winter. George W. Bush gave a war speech under a banner that said, “Mission Accomplished.” The list could go on. Nobody’s perfect. Art is a reflection of reality, and mistakes are part of it. That can be traced all the way back to the Garden of Eden. Mistakes can and do service a story.

So be careful next you criticize a character’s mistakes. You may as well be indicting yourself, too.

Besides, Vizzini avoided making “one of the classic blunders,” and it still got him killed!

"...but only slightly less well-known is this: "'Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line'! Ha ha ha..."
“…but only slightly less well-known is this: “‘Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line’! Ha ha ha…”
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Waiting

Image courtesy of www.Gigaom.com
Image courtesy of www.Gigaom.com

I (usually) have the patience of a saint, but even a saint has his limits.

While things like the Internet and self-publishing have given writers greater opportunities for instant gratification, the writing life remains the slowest business in the world. A writer must have patience, among other things, or else he will give up early in the race. I know this firsthand. It took at least six months longer than normal for Hades Publications to pick up Pandora’s Box, and even then it was because I pestered them to the point of a restraining order. It takes time for editors to rummage through manuscripts and separate the wheat from the chaff. Then that “wheat” must be threshed (i.e. edited).

Lately, I’ve felt like my life and especially my career have been in a holding pattern. I’ve tried to contact publishers about writing for them; agents about representing me; and artists about creating artwork for self-published books. Many of them take a while to respond, if at all. I joined a freelance writers group, but was put on the waiting list since there aren’t any openings right now. I tried to sign up for this year’s Writers’ Corner at Gen-Con, but it filled up fast, so I was—you guessed it—put on the waiting list. There’s no guarantee I’ll return as a merchant to the convention this year. 🙁 I’ve also been considering going to grad school, but due to a combination of ignorance and tarrying, I may have to postpone that until next year.

This drives me crazy because I am a man of action. When I set my mind to do something, I do it. Unfortunately, I can only do so much. Eventually, I must let someone else, like an editor, do his job before I can continue. On the other hand, I’m not immune to the sting of failure. Past disappointments have paralyzed me; made me hesitant to forge ahead. It’s hard to move when you haven’t any momentum. Perhaps my difficulty with beginnings goes beyond writing stories.

I began 2014 with the goal of trusting God more. Little did I realize that like Morgan Freeman’s God said in Evan Almighty would be true: “If someone prays for patience, you think God gives them patience? Or does He give them the opportunity to be patient?” Patience, like most things, requires trust. In order to foster both, one must have opportunities for them. An athlete can’t develop muscles unless he exercises. So it is with developing virtues.

I say all of this to say that, perhaps, these holding patterns are God’s ways of answering my prayers. I may not like it, but in the end, it will be the best thing for me.

As the old saying goes, “Good things come to those who wait.”

However, I think my favorite Bible verse says it better: “But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; they shall walk, and not faint” (Isaiah 40:31 KJV).

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Breaking Down the Wall

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I shouldn’t be writing this blog post. No, really. I have a short story whose deadline is the end of next month. It’s for an anthology a fellow writer is assembling. I started it last night. I should be working on that. Why am I not? I’m stuck. Call it “writer’s block,” if you want, but I can’t get the story going.

Every writer, if he’s honest, will admit that while he loves the craft, there is always a part of writing that is most difficult for him. Personally, I’ve noticed I usually have the most trouble starting a story. This isn’t always true (I drilled out last week’s flash fiction in less than 30 minutes, I think), and sometimes I overcome that initial difficulty faster than others, but it still tends to be the hardest point in a story for me. The ideas are swirling in my head like overzealous bees locked in a hive, but when I stare at that blank page, silence falls. (Gotta love unintentional Doctor Who references). Suddenly those bees don’t want out. I managed to crank out a few hundred words, but it was a chore and I hated most of them.

However, when I get past that initial “block” and find the story’s rhythm and voice—it’s like dancing with a whirlwind. Characters come alive; descriptions jump off the page; and settings envelope my mind’s eye until they become my mini-world. It is glorious! I live for times like that. All writers do.

But in order to get into that “zone,” I need to break through that first wall. Some days I can smash through it like Superman (which is funny because I have a Supes costume—maybe I should wear it during those hard days!). Other times, I’m a mere mortal who bruises his shoulder while constantly running into the wall hoping to find a weak spot. Regardless of whether I smash through the quickly or not, it’s a triumph, for out of the white-hot throes of creative energy a new story is birthed. This one I’m working on in particular is one I’m excited about. I just need to get break down the wall.

Now, where’s my Superman costume? 😛

What’s your “wall” in writing? Let’s discuss it in the comments.

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Washing Feet

Despite my disdain for Valentine’s Day, I’ve decided to post something today. No, it’s not a bitter rant.

I’ve attended many Christian weddings (I’m a Christ-follower, after all), and a common thread throughout them is the couple selecting a Bible passage for the occasion and having the presiding pastor give a short sermon on it. These are usually 1 Corinthians 13, Genesis 2, Ephesians 5:22-33, or a portion of Song of Solomon/Songs. These are great choices, but when I get married, I don’t plan to use any of them.

I’m going to use John 13:1-17.

Read the passage in the above link.
Read the passage in the above link.

You’re probably thinking, “That passage has nothing to do with marriage or romance!”

No, but it has everything to do with love.

Ever notice how most romance stories are about big and grand acts of love? Knights rescuing maidens from dragons. Heroes saving heroines from villains. An elaborate profession of love (like drawing a heart on the side of a building). We all love dragon slayers and want to be like them, and with good reason, but in real life, love usually finds expression in the small things. Sometimes that “dragon” is the dishes that need washed, the diapers that need changed, or the special date that is remembered.

Jesus Christ, God Incarnate, the Creator of the Universe, humbled Himself to perform the most menial of tasks. Washing feet was work relegated to slaves. It was undignified for a rabbi like Jesus to perform such a task. But He did it despite Peter’s objections. It was an example of servant leadership. It’s easy to be served, but love’s nature is to serve others. It may mean doing thankless, disgusting, and/or embarrassing things. It is agape (unconditional) love. It isn’t a feeling; it’s an act of the will. Any lover can die for his beloved. But to live an unglamorous life in service to his beloved? That requires true love. Keep in mind that Jesus washed the disciples’ feet hours before he was nailed to a cross to die for mankind’s sins. That was His greatest act of love. But this humble act anticipated it. In other words, the little things husbands and wives do for each other adds significance to the big things.

Jesus went on to say, “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another” (John 13:34-35). One of God’s purposes for marriage is echoing His love for the church. So, by loving each other even in these small, seemingly insignificant ways, a husband and wife broadcast God’s love in Technicolor, especially in this age of rampant divorce.

I want a marriage like this. I want to be the kind of man and husband who will “wash feet” for his wife.

I pray you want the same for yourself, True Believers.

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Never Forget Your Singleness

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Image courtesy of www.bigbaddie.com.
Image courtesy of www.bigbaddie.com.

I’ve made it no secret that Valentine’s Day is my least favorite holiday. In fact, I, like many people, euphemistically call it Singleness Awareness Day. This will be my 30th V-Day in a row without someone special. I’ve had a few girlfriends, but never on this holiday.

What annoys me is whenever singles—especially in Christian circles—lament their singleness in any way, they get tired platitudes (“It’ll happen when you’re not looking,” “Jesus is your boyfriend/girlfriend,” etc.) instead of sympathy. Or, worse yet, heartless lectures. These Christians, despite their good intentions, succeed in only denigrating marriage and singles’ desire for it. They cite Bible passages like 1 Corinthians 7 and make it sound like singleness is the godlier lifestyle. They even accuse singles of either desiring marriage so much they blind themselves to it not being God’s will for them or idolizing it to the point of defying God in seeking it. The worst part is these come from married Christians 99% of the time.

I believe these people have been married for so long, they have forgotten what it was like to be single. Or their time as a single was comparatively short and/or easy. In other words, they’ve lost their frame of reference, if they even had one. They are unable to sympathize. How can a person understand someone who is 30 years old, single, and desiring marriage if he married in his early twenties? Any struggles he had as a single are distant memories. Marital bliss has made him callous. He runs off with his sweetheart on V-Day, forgetting his single friends—if he has any—are alone at home.

I, however, won’t forget my singleness when I get married. I’ve spent too much time struggling with singleness to do so. I’ve watched friends hook up and get married while I was passed over, wondering if something was wrong with me or if I was unworthy of love. I’ve battled lust and a bottled-up sex drive. My hopes have been shattered and deferred. It gets harder to say, “It is not good for man to be alone,” with each passing year. I’m constantly told I’m a great guy, yet no woman seems to like me for long, if at all (unless they’re desperate).

I say all of that to say that I will be a countercultural married. I won’t forget singles or their plight. I’ll seek them out, talk to them, pray with them. I’ll validate their desires and advise them on how to fulfill them. Valentine’s Day won’t be a day where my wife and I go on an overly elaborate date. It will be a day where I invite all the singles I know to my house for a party, and we will serve them. We’ll prepare food, play games, and talk about the struggles of single life. Why? Because I want them to know there’s at least one couple out there who wants to redeem this so-called “romantic” holiday and include singles in it. They won’t be forgotten because I was once one of them, and I wished the couples I knew wouldn’t leave me by the wayside.

Couples, will you do this for the singles you know, especially if they’re your friends, this Valentine’s Day?