Recently, I read an article by Arthur Chu where he likened the motivations of Santa Barbara shooter Elliot Rodger to the frustrations espoused by nerdy guys. It’s a well-written, thought-provoking piece with valid points, but it offended because of its blanket statements. It prompted me to write this response. I recommend reading it before you continue. There’s much I could address, but I’ll limit it to a few big points.

Mr. Chu, you’re of the opinion that all nerdy guys are misogynists. Not all of them are potential murderers and/or rapists, but they all suffer from misogyny. This was fed to them by the culture thanks to movies like Revenge of the Nerds or characters like Steve Urkel from Family Matters: the “lovable nerdy protagonists” who scheme and obnoxiously pursue women until they win them. They feel like they’re “entitled” to any woman they want because they work hard to win them, but those women reject their advances, so they end up hating and/or mistreating women.

That’s not true.

First, I know nerdy guys who are happily married. Second, pardon my ignorance, but did (the shooter) identify himself as a nerd/geek, or are you just applying his frustrations to that of nerdy guys? Third, how dare you accuse me of misogyny! I’m not a stalker. I’m not a murderer. I’m not an abuser. I’m not a hater. Yes, I have been rejected by multiple women. I’m 30 years old and still single. I’m not happy about that. Did I try too hard to win some of them? Yes, but that was after they dumped me and I was trying to mend things. Will I do it again? No. Did I do it because of those “lovable nerdy protagonists”? No, I did it because of stories I’d heard about couples breaking up and then reconciling. Have I wanted to blame all women for mistreating me? Sometimes, but it never took hold.

This issue cuts both ways. Why did this mindset propagated among nerd culture get started? Because women found nerds unappealing. Originally, that was probably due to their, yes, social awkwardness and lack of athleticism. (That old nerd stereotype exists for a reason). But that stereotype has been getting eroded for years. I don’t look like Steve Urkel. Big Bang Theory doesn’t use the stereotypical appearance of a nerd. That, however, isn’t my point. My point is this: women have bought what culture has fed them—that nerds aren’t appealing. They were taught that nerdy guys were annoying and/or unattractive. Sometimes even in the same shows or movies you site as misogynistic! So, this is a two-fold problem. To say the only victims are women is to ignore how nerdy guys have been mistreated by women. I know because I’m one of them, and so are several friends I know. Neither side is completely innocent.

I believe that nerds/geeks of both genders (though I’d still argue that nerdy guys outnumber nerdy girls) have trouble dating because they’re substantially different from other people. They’re creative, intelligent, and passionate. They can just as easily muse about silly things like which fictional characters would win in a fight as they can talk about the philosophies of Plato. Many people don’t know how to relate to that. It takes either a fellow nerd/geek or someone with a special understanding to appreciate them. But when that connection is made…it is glorious!

I would direct your attention to a blog post by Chelsea Fagan entitled, “Why Everyone Should Love Nerdy Boys.” It provides the opposite perspective of your article. The gist: nerds are genuine. When they find a special someone, they love that person with the same un-ironic passion they do their interests. I can vouch for that.